My Epitaph

2012-02-13T00:00:00.002+08:00

"I can't believe you're single, you're such a nice guy"

Is it only people who don't want to date me realize this or what?

2012-02-12T23:45:00.000+08:00

A subtle rend of anxious skin
A gentle pulse of crimson
Just enough to hush the demons
Shrieking inside my brains

Today i was nearly knock over by an incoming car when i cross the road, it's like i never noticed it and was unintentionally not looking out for it.
The driver wind down his window with his fist and asked :"Don't you care about about your life?"
I didn't answer him and moved on but in my head it quickly whispered :"No i don't..."
I have to kill these feelings before it kills me....

2012-02-12T16:25:00.001+08:00

NO OFFENSE TO EVERYONE WHOS FUCKING MOURNING OVER WHAT HAPPENED BUT HONESTLY, SHUT THE HELL UP. HALF OF YOU DIDNT KNOW HIM, MOST OF YOU HAVE FOLLOWED A RUMOUR ABOUT WHY HE DID IT AND THE REST OF YOU ARE GENUINELY DISTRAUGHT. WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU. MOURN, ITS A SHOCK, YES, BUT DONT GO FUCKING POSTING PARAGRAPHS ABOUT SOMEONE YOU DID NOT KNOW. DON’T GO SAYING BULLYS NEED TO STOP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. NONE OF YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED, THE NEWS IS TWISTING THIS ALL AROUND, AND ALL OF YOU ARE BEING RIDICULOUS.
i want to yell at everyone on fb right now.

i know its how you deal with it. I know, i understand, but a post every seven seconds about it wont help. a “thought out” essay on him, when you didnt even know him, is not even morally correct. you guys are going to make me kill myself, i honestly cant take anyone or anything anymore. i dont fucking blame him for killing himself, he has the right to do as he pleases with his life, and he did what he felt he needed to do.

go ahead and hate me, go ahead and talk crap about what im saying, do as you please. remember you guys are all blaming his death on bullying? what do you think ill do when ive had enough of it? yeah. hypocrites. idiots.

2012-02-11T00:01:00.002+08:00

I feel like there are two people in my head...

One is hopeful and trying so hard to trust people,

and believe that there is good in the world,

and the other is pure bitterness and spite...

every day its like a war in my head, it gives me headaches,

I cant sleep, I have bad mood swings,

Im hurting the people around me...

2012-02-10T18:56:00.002+08:00

Do you know how it feels
to not to want to wake up anymore?
It is no longer pain, anger, or
sadness.
Its this numb feeling
that leaves
you feeling unbarely empty
Hollow almost, like there's nothing inside left.
That's when you become a ghost.

2012-02-10T12:02:00.000+08:00

There's one problem with living in the world
in your head and denying the outside world

2012-02-10T01:21:00.001+08:00

In short, I feel lost and empty.
This has been going on for months and I don't know why I started feeling like this.
I don't feel any motivation in doing most things but I can still do it right. I wasn't like this before.
I don't like how I am now, and I tell myself to change.
My brain works but my body doesn't listen.
Everyday, before I go to bed, I feel that I haven't done anything worthwhile, unsatisfied.
I am a mess and confused.
I'm not suicidal, just can't find a way out.

I'm not saying I want to kill myself but some days I wonder "if I died, would I care?"

2012-02-09T02:07:00.000+08:00

Goodnight world.

When the sun rises tomorrow,

one less soul will carry your burdens...

2012-02-08T20:17:00.001+08:00

Every heart has a pain.
Only the way of expressing it is different.
Fools hide it in eyes, while the brilliant hide it in their smile

2012-02-07T02:49:00.002+08:00

Everyone says it’s pointless to go back to someone twice, a third time, a fourth time, or even a fifth time. But sometimes that’s what that person needs. Sometimes that fifth time of being dissapointed gives them the strength it takes to finally move on. It’s sad, but sometimes they need to get hurt again and again before they learn...

2012-02-06T23:50:00.001+08:00

2012-02-02T20:45:00.000+08:00

I am afraid to be alone when i reached to the end of my time....

2012-02-01T20:27:00.001+08:00

I never thought I’d risk the chance of getting hurt again,

but for some reason when I’m with you,

it all seems worth it.

2012-01-27T22:36:00.000+08:00

My most difficult struggle is the battle between my heart and my head.
Both think they know the truth, both give convincing proposals, and both are fighting for control over me.
How can you feel more lonely than when you’re by yourself?
When your self is split in two, and when the halves are in constant conflict with one another.
When you constantly feel like half a person, and you’re not sure which half is the good half and which half is the bad half.
That is loneliness.

2012-01-25T12:50:00.000+08:00

2012-01-23T01:32:00.001+08:00

2012-01-22T01:12:00.002+08:00

I dono why,

but sometimes... just sometimes...

i have morbid thoughts....

2012-01-16T17:28:00.001+08:00

I have the cutest date ideas but no one to go on dates with today

2012-01-13T02:21:00.000+08:00

My Favourite BBT Character

2012-01-12T03:21:00.001+08:00

You'll always be Sheldon no matter what role you play

2012-01-11T05:30:00.000+08:00

2012-01-09T09:18:00.001+08:00

2012-01-07T13:02:00.000+08:00

It's REALLY Tough When Someone Special Starts To Ignore You,
But It's Even Tougher When U Have To Pretend U Don't Mind..

2012-01-05T01:24:00.000+08:00

2012-01-04T09:20:00.000+08:00

New Beginings....

2012-01-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

2011-12-31T05:20:00.003+08:00

2011-12-27T10:06:00.002+08:00

2011-12-24T15:21:00.002+08:00

It's that time of the year again... Happy Christmas to meself...

2011-12-11T12:01:00.001+08:00

When you close your eyes and look at the World,
what do you see?

2011-12-08T06:02:00.000+08:00

2011-12-05T22:47:00.000+08:00

I like drinking coffee alone, and reading alone.

I like riding the bus alone, and walking home alone.

It gives me time to think, and set my mind free.

I like eating alone, and listening to music alone.

But when I see a mother with her child, a girl with her lover, or a friend laughing with their best friend, I realize that even though I like being alone, I don’t fancy being lonely. The sky is beautiful, but the people are sad. I just need someone who won’t run away....

2011-12-02T21:42:00.000+08:00

Don’t wish me happiness.
I don’t expect to be happy all the time…
It’s gotten beyond that somehow.
Wish me courage and strength and a sense of humor.
I will need them all.

2011-12-01T23:54:00.000+08:00

2011-11-28T21:44:00.000+08:00

The Earth is large.
Large enough that you think you can hide from anything.
From Fate.
From God.
If only you found a place far enough away.
So you run.
To the edge of the Earth.
Where all is safe again.
Quiet, and warm.
The solace of salt air.
The peace of danger left behind.
The luxury of grief.
And maybe, for a moment, you believe you have escaped.

2011-11-22T11:50:00.002+08:00

I love the flowers

trees, animals, sea,

sky, earth, clouds,

But only humans..... only humans are the only species that crave the flesh of others to fufill their desires... they did it not for hunger nor for survival... they are the most complicated species.... they kill not to gather food... they cut down trees and print it on paper saying "save the trees"... There is one more organism that is similar to that trait.... a virus...

I detest human... and in their capacity for evil.... they are like the parasites of the our planet...

2011.2011

2011-11-20T03:39:00.000+08:00

2011-11-19T00:41:00.001+08:00

2011-11-16T23:10:00.001+08:00

2011-11-14T23:52:00.001+08:00

2011-11-13T23:48:00.002+08:00

2011-11-12T23:59:00.000+08:00

2011-11-11T11:11:00.001+08:00

2011-11-10T23:31:00.000+08:00

2011-11-07T07:27:00.000+08:00

2011-11-06T04:27:00.002+08:00

In my body,

where the shame gland should be,

there is a second awesome gland.

2011-11-05T01:25:00.000+08:00

Where has my heart gone?

An uneven trade for the real world.

2011-11-04T00:43:00.000+08:00

2011-11-03T04:14:00.000+08:00

2011-11-02T00:01:00.000+08:00

1.11.11

2011-11-01T02:43:00.000+08:00

2011-10-31T11:42:00.000+08:00

2011-10-30T23:09:00.000+08:00

2011-10-29T07:47:00.000+08:00

2011-10-28T02:43:00.000+08:00

Barney~ You're being awesome~

2011-10-27T03:18:00.000+08:00

2011-10-26T03:18:00.000+08:00

2011-10-25T23:20:00.001+08:00

Friend A : "Did you fall on your back?"

Me : "No. i attacked the floor"

Friend A : "With your back?"

Me : "I'm freaking talented!"

Friend A : "@%^$@#@!!!"

ROFLLLLLLLLLL

2011-10-24T22:02:00.000+08:00

2011-10-22T02:06:00.000+08:00

2011-10-21T01:03:00.001+08:00

2011-10-19T02:37:00.000+08:00

2011-10-16T00:12:00.000+08:00

2011-10-14T00:09:00.000+08:00

2011-10-13T02:05:00.000+08:00

This
happens
to
everyone
at
least
once.

2011-10-12T19:52:00.002+08:00

2011-10-10T22:10:00.000+08:00

2011-10-10T01:49:00.001+08:00

Mornings...

2011-10-08T14:22:00.000+08:00

2011-10-06T03:59:00.003+08:00

Sweet

Cuddle

Soft

Hands

Moments

Warm

Smooth

Hearts

Mesmerizing

Pillows

2011-09-11T02:05:00.000+08:00

After all this time,

after being by your side and always looking after you,

I failed to make a place for myself deep within your heart.

2011-09-06T00:33:00.000+08:00

I just think that some things are meant to be

broken,

imperfect,

chaotic.

It’s the universe’s way of providing contrast, you know?

There have to be a few holes in the road.

It’s how life is.

2011-09-05T00:45:00.000+08:00

People can have lovers..they can have friends..they can be together..but when you think about it..you'll see that originally..we're "alone"

2011-09-05T00:16:00.001+08:00

Every morning i get up and put on a fake smile...
but what if one morning i didn't?
Would anyone notice?

2011-09-03T10:11:00.001+08:00

I have lost faith in human perfectibility.
I think that human exertion will have no appreciable effect upon humanity.
Despite spending 6000 years of progress, Humans is now only more active...not more happy...nor more wise than he was 6000 years ago.

2011-09-02T00:54:00.000+08:00

Regret comes in all shapes and sizes. Some small like when we do a bad thing for a good reason.
Some are bigger like when we let down a friend.
Some of us escape pain and regret by making the right choice.
Some of us have little time for regret because we’re looking forward.
Sometimes we have to fight to come to turn to forget the past and sometimes we bury our regret and promise to change our ways.
But our biggest regrets are not from the things we did but from the things we didn’t do, didn’t say that could save someone we care about... especially when we can see the dark storm decided their way.

2011-09-01T00:45:00.001+08:00

If you asked me now who I am, the only answer I could give with any certainty would be my name. For the rest, my loves, my hates, down even to my deepest desires, I can no longer say whether these emotions are my own or stolen from those I once so desperately wished to be.

2011-08-30T00:11:00.000+08:00

I do not say ‘good-bye.’

I believe that’s one of the bullshittiest words ever invented.

It’s not like you’re given the choice to say ‘bad-bye’ or ‘awful-bye’ or ‘couldn’t-care-less-about-you-bye.’

Every time you leave, it’s supposed to be a good one.

Well, I don’t believe in that.

I believe against that.

2011-08-29T02:23:00.002+08:00

Why do people have to be this lonely?
What’s the point of it all?
Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves.
Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness?

2011-08-27T00:36:00.000+08:00

Is it really that bad if someone sees who you are?
Why is it humans have a problem with letting someone else see that they are human?

2011-08-26T00:02:00.000+08:00

I used to think I was the strangest person in the world but then I thought, there are so many people in the world, there must be someone just like me who feels bizarre and flawed in the same ways I do.

I would imagine her, and imagine that she must be out there thinking of me too.

Well, I hope that if you are out there and read this and know that, yes, it’s true I’m here, and I’m just as strange as you.

2011-08-25T00:06:00.001+08:00

I wanted a perfect ending.
Now I’ve learned, the hard way, that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end.
Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next.

2011-08-24T00:17:00.001+08:00

SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE ALL THE PEOPLE THAT ARE ABSOLUTELY CRAZY SHOULD BE PACKED INTO SPACE SHUTTLE AND SHIPPED OFF INTO ANOTHER GALAXY.
OTHER TIMES I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE ELSE HAD THAT IDEA, AND THAT'S WHY WE'RE ALL HERE ON EARTH.

2011-08-23T00:12:00.000+08:00

I am my heart’s undertaker. Daily I go and retrieve its tattered remains, place them delicately into its little coffin, and bury it in the depths of my memory, only to have to do it all again tomorrow.

2011-08-22T00:37:00.002+08:00

Don’t you hate that?

Uncomfortable silence.

Why do we feel it’s necessary to talk about bull in order to feel comfortable?

That’s when you know you’ve found somebody really special.

When you can just shut the hell up for a minute and comfortably share a silence.

2011-08-17T00:07:00.002+08:00

Isn't life by nature a contest decided by a single round? However trifling the matter, it's not possible to return to the last save point by pushing some reset button.

2011-08-15T02:04:00.002+08:00

In the law there is a definition for 'relative.' But there is no definition for 'family

2011-08-14T00:53:00.002+08:00

No matter the era, whichever the society, people always gaze at the stars when young. Then they stretch out their hands and try to catch them. And then one day, they realize their arms are not long enough to catch the stars, and that’s when they grow up.

2011-08-13T02:50:00.002+08:00

You know, when I was in high school, I was a troublemaker.
I hardly went to school.
Before I knew it, time has passed and i already graduated.
When I couldn’t go anymore was when I first realized, that school was a great thing.
There’s a lot of friends and lots of fun things.
When I got this old, I wanted even more to go to school...

2011-08-11T03:32:00.002+08:00

Before I met you I used to dream about the future, but that was just a dream. In the end my destiny didn't smile at me...

2011-08-07T01:21:00.002+08:00

...so even though it'd be easier to sit at home and play games or be on the computer, I go out sometimes too. I don't want to be a shut-in. I don't want people to call me a freeloader when I go out, so I got an office job even though I don't want to. They used to say the ones who'll get ahead in the world are the ones who have the highest grades.. So it'll be nothing but an extension of this. It's a pain in the ass, boring future. That's my outlook on life after so many years of just trying to be a good person and going with the flow.

2011-08-04T01:02:00.004+08:00

In some great thinker or philosophers book I read recently it said "love is life's greatest event, the one thing worth living for." Give me a break. That's what some grown-up womanizer would say, but I can't even talk to the girl I like. So for me love is nothing but Pain and Anguish. This unrequited love just plunges my life even further into the depths of Hell.

2011-08-02T01:14:00.003+08:00

I think I'm afraid of being happy because everytime I'm happy,

something bad always happens.

2011-07-29T02:17:00.003+08:00

I don't know much about love, but I do know one thing if you wanna be a player then you're gonna end up getting played yourself and if you really care about a girl she'll start to care about you too. But if you end up trying to playing a girl who really cares about you. You'll go straight to hell. That's just the way it is.

2011-07-28T01:56:00.001+08:00

If it’s possible for one person to be hurt by another, then is it also possible for that person to be healed by another?

2011-07-26T16:46:00.003+08:00

I think this world may even just be a long, long dream I'm watching. You guys may just be illusions, and it can't be proven whether or not you really exist either. In other words, this world was created with me at the center. So what will happen if I die? I don't know. My imagination isn't very creative; I just can't imagine myself dying. In other words, there is no way this world can completely disappear. But if I die, then everyone will disappear. I am the only one in this world who won't disappear. The rest are just people I see as if in a dream.

2011-07-25T02:21:00.004+08:00

I Am Giving Up On Happy Endings

2011-07-24T01:09:00.003+08:00

I guess to some extent you get used to being alone. You get used to not expecting phone calls and having nothing to do at night. You don't expect to turn around to open arms any longer. The small sounds of her have been replaced by silence. Your thoughts echo through your head, with no one to share them with. All in all, being alone isn't terrible, it just hurts like hell.

2011-07-23T00:39:00.005+08:00

When I'm sad at night, the only thing I can think to myself is...how can I seem so-- perfectly fine in the morning.
Why do I smile like nothing is wrong? And how does not one single person notice that I'm not okay?

2011-07-20T20:34:00.000+08:00

I wonder where happiness is.
I wonder what happiness is